by Brooke of "Crazy Mama Drama" (Mamapedia.com)
Look, I may be very far from a June Cleaver-esque mama, but that doesn’t mean I don’t love being a mom. There is nothing in the world better than the feeling I get when I am the one my daughter looks to for comfort, when she holds me tight. It makes me feel complete. But that doesn’t take away from the fact that being a mom is the hardest job I have ever had.
I think part of my difficulty in adjusting to mommyhood is that I had no idea what to expect. I wish someone had given me a head’s up, but they didn’t. I have been learning ‘the hard way’ for the last sixteen months. Here are just some of the things I’ve learned…
- People aren’t lying when they say you better learn to live on a few hours sleep. Invest in some white strips because you have no chance of surviving without coffee.
- You will not be able to wear white until your kid is 12 years old.
- The bathroom-a place you used to brush your teeth and pee-will now become your
favorite place to get away for “me time.” It will become the only place where you can get a moment of peace; a place that will shelter you from the storm going on downstairs when your husband tells your little angel, “No more “Yo Gabba Gabba, it’s bedtime.” Trust me, you will grow to seek solace in your bathroom. - Dogs are totally effective as vacuum cleaners for after dinner messes on the floor
- Remember that place you and your husband used to go all the time on those wonderful little things called ‘dates?’ That place where you sit in the dark eating popcorn and watch movies on a big screen? Oh yeah, a movie theater. Yep, you’re not going there again for a LONG time.
- Rock, Paper, Scissors is the only logical way to choose who deals with baby diarrhea.
- You will learn that toys strewn on the floor are little minefields, and you will become an expert at avoiding them. Just know that the second you let your guard down, you will surely step on a princess building block, Barbie accessory or a plastic chunk of cheese from the play kitchen. And let me tell you, those plastic little suckers hurt!
- No matter how many hours you spend childproofing your home, your toddler’s built-in Dangerous Object Detector will lead her to a pen cap that you dropped behind the couch three years ago.
- One of the worst feelings in the world is when you are changing a poop filled diaper and you reach over and find out that you are out of wipes. Nothing quite matches that sinking feeling when you realize you have to pick up that baby and wander the house in search of a substitute wipe.
- At some point you’re bound to find yourself agreeing with Sponge Bob, DJ Lance or Ming Ming.
- Remember that thing I said about no chance of surviving without coffee? Ditto for wine.
- Being a mom to a toddler is pretty similar to working in a psych ward. It’s not out of the ordinary to look over at your kid and watch them crack up while staring at a blank wall. You become completely immune to the sound of screaming. Objects are thrown at you on a daily basis.
- No matter how much it sucks to have a kid sometimes, all the aggravation gets erased with one drooly, goofy smile.
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