Friday, August 31, 2012
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
Sometimes, being Mummy ain’t all that
http://www.mamapedia.com/voices/sometimes-being-a-mummy-aint-all-that
Sometimes, being Mummy ain’t all that.
When I was a little girl, all I ever wanted was to be a mum. Not a pilot, a scientist, a doctor. Not a farmer, a dancer, a teacher. A mum. Yes, I studied and built an extremely successful career as a copywriter, and yes, I loved it. I’d be lying, however, if I told you I was devastated to drop it all and become a stay-at-home mum when Little Miss was born.
Fast forward 9 years. Now I am mum to Little Miss (9), Little Man (7) and Baby G (3). I am still a stay-at-home mum, while running my (tiny) one-man business on the side. Here’s the thing: this stay-at-home mum thing is killing me. There, I said it.
What’s more, I suck at it.
A few weeks ago, I had a total breakdown. I looked around me at the piles of laundry (clean and dirty), the dirty dishes, the unmade beds, the crusty toothpaste stuck to the sink (and mirrors and walls), the empty pantry, the fridge that needed to be cleaned out (for fear of growing a new strain of penicillin) and began to cry. And cry. And cry. The ugly cry. I simply couldn’t face it any more. All I wanted to do was crawl into bed and sleep. This domestic life of cooking, cleaning, taxiing, wiping…*_why on earth had I ever signed up for this?_* I realised, in that moment, that even if I managed to somehow dig myself out of this rut and get all this mind-numbing housework done, I would still feel as unstimulated, unsatisfied and invisible.
I realised I was lost. Michelle–the vibrant, intelligent, productive person I was pre-babies, was nowhere to be found.
I realised this Martha Stewart persona I’d been trying to squeeze into was simply the wrong size.
I realised that, in my quest to live up to my childhood dream of the Perfect Mummy (devised in my childhood and clearly as real as a fairy tale), I had buried myself completely.
Not only had I sacrificed my “Michelle-ness” to the cause, I hadn’t even managed to make it worth it. I was failing the Perfect Mummy Test in every area. My resentment at having to be the maid/cook/taxi-driver was making me mean. I was short tempered and impatient with my kids (for being kids, no more no less), resentful towards my husband (for having a life outside the four walls of our house) and hateful towards myself for not being the wonderful mummy I had always dreamed I would be. I was perpetually tired, unenthusiastic and bitter. In short, I don’t think I was particularly fun to be around.
By becoming a martyr-mother and defining myself as 100% Mum, I had not only thrown my very identity under the bus, I had sacrificed my husband and children too.
That night, after an Everest-like quest to get the children to bed, I sobbed and howled (impressively and with dramatic flair) and discussed with my (amazing, understanding, empathetic) husband how I was feeling. He agreed wholeheartedly that I needed to rediscover who I am and what makes me happy. Despite the fact that he works insanely hard and under immense pressure, he made a promise to me that he would do everything in his power to allow me to fix this mess.
I contacted my work colleagues and let them know I am available to take on more work, and boy, did it flood in. I began to write the children’s books that had been brewing in my head. I started a Zen Do Kai class one evening a week (yes, one evening a week Hubby gives the kids dinner, showers them and readies them for bed and yes, I acknowledge just how ridiculously lucky I am to have this kind of support) and I started this blog.
I now go to sleep after midnight most nights because I am up working late on a million things. I still have to face the same amount of housework and childcare. The difference? I am happy. I am smiling. I feel liberated. I fold laundry and think up radio ads. I cook dinner and brainstorm blog posts. I do Zen Do Kai, release the stress and can’t get home quickly enough to cuddle my beautiful children and marvel at the miraculous little people they are. Last night I sat and coloured in cupcakes with Little Miss and instead of wishing she would just.go.to.sleep, I relished in our ‘special girl time’. I listened to Little Man reading and wasn’t silently willing the stupid ice-cream book to be finished already. Quite the opposite, I was overcome with pride at his achievements and watched as he sounded out each word with wonder. I cuddled Baby G and wished I could pause time just to make her babyhood last a little longer. It was the first bedtime in a very long time that I felt that neither my children or I were short-changed.
And when they were asleep, I looked at the man I married and wondered how I got so lucky? He has never once judged me. When I needed a hand, he didn’t hesitate to help me. He gets it.
Just taking the time to stop, realise that I am Michelle–not just Mummy–made a world of difference. That hideous resentment that had been filling my days has melted away, Angry Mummy has disappeared (Okay, mostly. I’m working on it, but why won’t they put their clothes in the hamper?! ) and I am satisfied that, after much searching, I found that part of myself I had so carelessly tossed aside nine years ago. She was suffocating under a pile of mismatched, dirty socks.
It turns out that all I needed to enjoy being a mum was to not be one every once in a while.
When embarking on a long journey, they tell you to always put your own oxygen mask first, before you help your kids. Wise words, indeed.
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
Monday, August 27, 2012
The City of Weston - Moonlight Movies in the Park
The City of Weston Presents FREE, Monthly MOONLIGHT MOVIES IN THE PARK!
Kick back and relax - the movies are on us… Bring lawn chairs or blankets and relax. Full-length feature films are projected onto a giant inflatable screen. At the Event Stage in the Weston Regional Park ▪ 20200 Saddle Club Road ▪ 954-389-4321
Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked Saturday, November 3, 2012 at 7:30 p.m. Dave Seville, the Chipmunks and the Chipettes are taking a luxury cruise to the International Music Awards. Alvin cannot resist the urge to create havoc and the singing rodents soon find themselves marooned on a seemingly deserted island.We Bought A Zoo Saturday, December 15, 2012 at 7:30 p.m. Following his wife’s death, LA journalist Benjamin Mee makes a fresh start, quitting his job and moving his children to property containing the closed Rosemoor Wildlife Park. Still home to many animals he opens his heart and checkbook to renovate and reopen it. (PG: parents may find a few incidents of objectionable language)
Ice Age 4 – Continental Drift Saturday, January 12, 2013 at 7:30 p.m. Scrat’s pursuit of an infernal acorn has world-changing consequences for Manny, Diego and Sid.
Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Dog Days Saturday, February 9, 2013 at 7:30 p.m. School is out and Greg is ready for the days of summer, when all his plans go wrong. (PG: some rude humor)
Dr. Seuss’ The Lorax Saturday, March 9, 2013 at 7:30 p.m. A 12-year old searches for the one thing that will enable him to win the affection of the girl of his dreams. To find it he must discover the story of the Lorax, the grumpy yet charming creature who fights to protect his world.
Madagascar 3 – Europe’s Most Wanted Saturday, April 13, 2013 at 8:00 p.m. Alex, Marty, Gloria and Melman are still fighting to get home to New York
Friday, August 24, 2012
Thursday, August 23, 2012
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
My Kids Have Never Been to Church, and I’m Not Ever Going to Take Them
A bit controversial but hear it goes:
Posted by dadcamp (blogs.babble.com)
My dad almost became a seminarian.
Around the same time he met my mom, he was seriously considering becoming a priest. He reconsidered, and, well, the rest is history.
I was raised in a Catholic home. I was an altar boy. I went to Catholic elementary and high school. My mom and dad were active in our church growing up. But somewhere in my mid/late teens they stopped forcing me to go. Yes, I say force.
I would feign being asleep as the time to leave for mass drew closer, and eventually they would just leave without me.
Mommyfriend crafted a great post about her return to church with her kids last week, and you should really read it.
This quote stands out:
“I’d never sit behind my computer and tell anyone what they should or shouldn’t be doing for their families. All I can do is share what I’m doing for mine, and church is now one of those things.”
I’m about to go fire and brimstone about why I don’t go to church. Many of you will not agree. I’m not telling you how to live your life, I’m telling you the reasons I use to explain how I live mine. Your mileage may vary, but I’m never going to take my kids to church. Ever.
I stopped going to church before I stopped believing in god. It was around the time my best friend told me he was gay. We had both attended the same Catholic high school, and I just couldn’t support an organization that openly challenged his rights as a person. There is so much moral fine print in church when it comes to equality, that I just couldn’t give it an hour of my week.
I’ve only accepted my atheism in the past 5 years. People like Christopher Hitchens (oh the irony of having Christ in his name), and Ricky Gervais best summing up how I feel about the existence of a higher power.
A Christian telling an atheist he is going to Hell is about as scary as a small child telling an adult they wont get any presents from Santa
I appreciate that churches do create community, and are a place for people to gather together and socialize and make friends, and that is all wonderful. It’s when they start talking of religion that things go sideways and create problems. The preaching of hate and intolerance. The discounting of science. The general backwardsness that takes allegorical stories and makes them historically relevant documents.
If religion is so wonderful, why does it make so many people hate other people because the holy figurine on their mantle is different? I’m sure many of you are hating me right now because I’m telling you the existence of god is about as real as the existence of unicorns, bigfoot, and elves.
“@Zx6r82: what makes you believe that god does not exist?” The same things that make you think Thor doesn't.
The world is explainable, I will explain it to my sons without the pretense of fables.
My sons will find community from their community. We will be active in their school, in their sports, in their arts. They will meet friends, and understand different cultures by being open and active to new things. We will travel.
They will learn about charity from their family.
They will learn spirituality from within themselves. The only moral compass that matters is the one in your head. I will teach my kids right from wrong, and I will teach them to choose love over hate.
So, remind me … why is it you think should I take them to church again?
A few tweets saying I should keep my atheism to myself.
Just like people of faith keep their beliefs secret I guess. Haha.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)