WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 6, 2013
City Introduces New 100-ft. Ladder Fire Truck
Superheroes
can leap over tall buildings, but when you’re stuck in a fire emergency
high above the ground, you need the assistance of the right equipment.
With safety and service in mind, the City of Coral Gables has purchased a new state-of-the-art fire ladder truck with an aerial platform that can extend up to 100 feet in almost any direction.
This vehicle replaces a 1985 model which has been in service for 28
years. Recently, members of the City Commission received a tour of the
new fire truck which will be in service soon, ready to assist in any
emergencies happening on single family structures or tall buildings in
Downtown Coral Gables. Aside from its water-pumping capabilities, the
platform features a control panel to monitor critical information and a
video camera. Real time data and video can be sent wirelessly to a
command center on the ground. The cost of the new truck was $1.1
million.
 L-R: Interim Fire Chief Marc Stolzenberg and members of the City Commission including Commissioner Frank Quesada, Commissioner Vince Lago, Vice Mayor Bill Kerdyk Jr., and Commissioner Pat Keon look over the new fire truck while receiving a $1,000 donation from the Coral Gables Firefighters Benevolent Association to benefit the Susan G. Komen for the Cure fund.
• • •
Coral Gables Is Caring For Our Community This Saturday
The City of Coral Gables is joining Baptist Health South Florida in their annual day of service “Caring for Our Community.” On Saturday, November 9,
members of the Coral Gables City Commission will join Baptist Health
employees and other volunteers to make a difference in our community. On
this day from 8:30 a.m. until 12:30 p.m., this group of volunteers will
be doing some hands-on beautification by gardening, painting and
putting mulch at the historic St. Mary’s Missionary Baptist Church
located at 136 Frow Avenue in Coral Gables. Headquartered in Coral
Gables, Baptist Health South Florida is one of the largest
not-for-profit healthcare providers in the United States, giving more
than $279 million annually in charity care and community service. Last
year, Baptist Health employees and their families also helped beautify
eight elementary schools, a community center, a park, a day care center
for ventilator-dependent children and a rehabilitation center for
disabled people. To participate this year as a volunteer, contact
Baptist Health at 786-527-9161.
• • •
Great Deal On Football Game Tickets
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Friday, November 8, 2013
City of Coral Gables News!
Cine! A celebration of Chilean Cinema takes place right here in Coral Gables, November 7-10 at the Cosford Cinema at the University of Miami Campus.
Brought to you with the generous support of the Consulate General of
Chile in Miami, the Ministry of Foreign Affairs of Chile, and the
Chile-U.S. Chamber of Commerce, the festival will present a wide array
of recent full-length Chilean made films, including the U.S. southeast
premiere of the acclaimed film “Gloria” by Sebastian Lelio,
winner of the Silver Bear for Best Actress at the Berlin Film Festival.
For a listing of upcoming films and to get tickets, 
Pinecrest Gardens - Nov. Events!
PINECREST GARDENSSouth Florida's Cultural Arts Park Invites You to a Family Weekend Filled with Music, Monkeys, Movies and our Fabulous Farmers Market! Family Friday Feature...DESPICABLE ME Friday, November 8, 8:00 p.m. | |||||||||
"A consistent stream of chuckles and a lot of convincing heart." Michael Dequina-TheMovieReport.com
Our wonderful line-up of Family Fridays continues with the celebrated animated feature film, Despicable Me. This wonderful animated film features the voices of Steve Carell, Jason Segel, Julie Andrews and Kristen Wig. Flashlight Tours begin at 7:00 p.m. and the movie begins about 8:00 p.m. and don't forget to bring your appetite for the best hotdogs and popcorn in town. Oh, BTW, we just got a brand new hot dog machine, and it cooks up more hot dogs even better than before. Yum! General admission, $5 and children under 2 enter free.
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Tuesday, September 17, 2013
Free Cheap Events in Miami this week (9/17-9/24)
http://miamionthecheap.com/free-cheap-events-in-miami-this-week/
Here are free and cheap things to do in Miami this week:
Here are free and cheap things to do in Miami this week:
- Tuesday, Sep 17
- Wednesday, Sep 18
- Thursday, Sep 19
- Friday, Sep 20
- Free Friday nights at Wolfsonian museum
- Free Big Night in Little Haiti
- ‘Festive Fridays’ at Southland Mall
- Free Movies on the Plaza in Brickell: ‘Casablanca’
- Free ‘Noches Tropicales/Tropical Nights’ concert with Edwin Bonilla
- Saturday, Sep 21
- Sunday, Sep 22
- Monday, Sep 23
Pinecrest Gardens - October Events!
October Events are in Full Bloom!Featured This MonthJazz
at Pinecrest Gardens; Howl-O-Ween; Bonsai Festival; Cult Flick Friday;
Family Friday; Miami Children's Theater; Horticulture Lecture Series;
Gardens Gallery; Krafts-4-Kids; Farmers Market
SAVE THE DATES FOR FESTIVALS, MOVIES AND PERFORMANCES AT
SOUTH FLORIDA'S CULTURAL ARTS PARK
SAVE THE DATES FOR FESTIVALS, MOVIES AND PERFORMANCES AT
SOUTH FLORIDA'S CULTURAL ARTS PARK
| FEATURED MUSIC EVENT SOUTH FLORIDA JAZZ ORCHESTRA WITH VOCALIST KATE REID THE GREAT AMERICAN SONGBOOK |
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| FEATURED FESTIVAL Howl-O-Ween |
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| FEATURED THEATRICAL EVENT Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory Miami Children's Theater |
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*Sensory Friendly Performance (Reduced Sound Level, edited performance) |
| MOVIES | ||
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CULT FILM FRIDAY - ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW; October 25, 8:00 p.m.
“One hundred minutes of pure weird celebration that manages to concoct a bizarre cocktail of sincerity and reckless abandon”. Total Film This low-budget freak show/cult classic/cultural institution concerns the misadventures of Brad Majors (Barry Bostwick) and Janet Weiss (Susan Sarandon) inside a strange mansion that they come across on a rainy night. Come dressed in your Rocky Horror finest! |
| Horticulture | ||
Horticulture Workshop“Container
Vegetable Gardening”- is our first workshop of the fall season. Learn
all the methods needed to grow your own organic vegetables, build a
garden during the class, and take a vegetable container garden home with
you! Wednesday, October 9,
at 10:00 a.m. in the Hibiscus Room/Gardens Gallery. $10 fee includes
hands-on workshop, supplies, and take home project! Class is limited to
10 people so call and register early; 305-669-6990.
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| Farmers Market: Fresh Produce & More Sundays 9:00 a.m. - 3:00 p.m. |
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| Art Exhibits & Classes | ||
Artists have always been attracted to the subject of organic matter as imagery in their work. Giuseppe Arcimboldo’s “Feast for the Eyes” serves as an example of the artist’s visual wit. Artist Dieter Roth experimented with organic materials such as chocolate and banana on canvas and there have been many artists who have used flora and fauna to create fashionable designs to adorn the human form. Gardens and their produce have always served as an inspiration to artists throughout history! Join us in the Gardens Gallery October 1-17 when Miami Dade Public School Students, grades K-12 exhibit a show of collage and mixed media inspired by edible gardens. |
| 1 | ||
Doodles have often been the springboard for artists in their creative process. If you don’t think of doodling as a serious art form, then think again. Doodles are all about the imperfections that ultimately come together to make a stunning creation. Famous artists have doodled their way through time. Picasso, Max Ernst and Alexander Calder, are just a few whose “doodles” on tablecloths and napkins graced the French bistro “Le Catalan” in Paris from 1944-1952. Today’s artists have elevated the simple “doodle” to a completed art form. This show will explore students’ artistic expressions based on their favorite artist or artist style. Join us in the Gardens Gallery October 21- November 3 when Miami Dade Public School Students, grades K-12 exhibit a show inspired by doodles. |
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| Educational | |
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| COMING NEXT MONTH Masquerade Ball A Brazilian Carnival Celebration |
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Tuesday, August 6, 2013
Dear Daughter, Here's Why I Work
Dear Daughter, Here’s Why I Work
By Sasha Emmons • April 26, 2013
Dear Chloe,
Not long ago you asked me if I love work more than I love you and your brother.The question breaks my heart, and as you are almost eight, I’m pretty sure it was designed to. Don’t worry; I don’t hold it against you. Daughters are meant to know and agitate their mother’s vulnerable spots—it’s part of the special intimacy we share. I did the same thing to my mom, giving her the business for going back to work part-time when I was even older than you, after she’d spent years at home raising me, my brother and sister.
I’ll be sure bring our conversation up over and over again when you’re an adult and facing the same kinds of comments from your own daughter, like my mom does to me. (P.S. Mom, really sorry—again!)You’ve never really known a time when I stayed home. I went back to work when you were three months old, and save for the eights months I was at home when your brother was born, it’s always been that way for you.
Although it felt surreal to walk out the door and leave you behind the day my maternity leave ended, and I couldn’t quite believe I was doing it until I was, it was also a relief to relax into some normalcy after the wondrous upheaval you brought to my life.Some people work to earn a living, and some people are lucky to get paid to do what they love. I am lucky to be one of the latter.
I knew what I wanted to do the day my eighth grade teacher read my story to the class and told me I was a writer. I still get flushed cheeks and fluttery insides when I’ve managed to wrestle the words to outline the shape of my thoughts. I think I recognize the same blissed out look on your face when you’re painting, but maybe there’s an even bigger passion in you waiting to be discovered.
What if I told you it was your art… or me? Sure, you’d choose me (I hope) if you had to, but wouldn’t that feel like an unfair choice to make? Right now you say you don’t want kids thanks to the most annoying brother in the whole wide world. Maybe you’ll change your mind. And if you do, I hope your love of creating doesn’t get sacrificed for the people you love, whether you make money from it or not. I hope you choose a partner that wants that for you too.
But back to your original question. There are many reasons mommies work—and they might not be what you think they are. These are mine.
I work because I love it.
I work because scratching the itch to create makes me happy, and that happiness bleeds over into every other area, including how patient and engaged and creative a mother I am.
I work because this nice house and those gymnastics lessons and those sneakers you need to have are all made possible by two incomes.
I work because I want you and your brother to be proud of me.
I work because I did this before you were born, and I’ll still want it to be there after you go off to college.
I work because—despite my being the parent who’s almost always the one walking through the door at 6pm, the one who rarely travels for work, the one who’s keeping track of the fact that the permission slip for the field trip is due tomorrow—you’d never ask your father why he works. His love is a given that long hours at work do nothing to diminish.
I work because even at your young age you’ve absorbed the subtle message that women’s work is less important and valuable—and that the moms who really love their kids don’t do it.
I work because by the time you have your own daughter, I cross my fingers this will not be so.
So, to answer your question: I do love work, but of course I love you and your brother much, much more. If I had to choose, I would choose you guys.But I’m so happy I don’t have to. And I hope you never do either.
Love,Mom
Thursday, August 1, 2013
City of Coral Gables News!
WEDNESDAY, JULY 31, 2013
Implementation of Zone Patrol
Last week, the Police Department partitioned the City into 12 geographically-defined beats, referred to as zones. Each Patrol Officer is now being permanently assigned to an individual zone, as opposed to 4 large sectors referred to as areas (e.g. North of Bird) as was previously the practice since 2007. Whereas before, officers could patrol different areas, now they have specific beats that they are assigned to on a long term basis. This is being done to cultivate community based policing, as officers are empowered to address issues and needs in the neighborhoods they are responsible for and work each day, resulting in a sense of ownership on the part of each officer and greater visibility in the community. Officers will now be more accountable and expected to develop strategies or call on resources as needed to further improve the neighborhoods they patrol as they concentrate on community concerns and crime trends specific to their zones.
• • •
The Palace Opens In Downtown Coral Gables
Helen and Jacob Shaham, founders of The Palace Group, hosted a grand opening ceremony last week to officially welcome the first luxury senior living facility built in Downtown Coral Gables. The Palace at Coral Gables is a public-private partnership with the City of Coral Gables. The City awarded the company a 99-year land lease with the provision that a parking garage for public and private use also be built. The nine-story facility draws its inspiration from Mediterranean influence and the urban fabric of Coral Gables. The architecture was inspired by the world-renown George V Hotel of Paris, recreating its luxury and ambiance while providing optimum attention to the most intricate of details. “In addition to bringing a beautiful facility that enhances the Coral Gables’ downtown, the project provides significant financial benefits to the City and its taxpayers,” said Mayor Jim Cason.” The building location steps away from Miracle Mile offers residents the benefits of an urban village location that provides every comfort and amenity for senior living without having to move from the city they love. For more information, click here.
• • •
Your Input Is Needed For Trolley Online Survey
The City of Coral Gables has initiated a study to develop improvements and possible expansions of the popular Trolley program. Currently, the Coral Gables Trolleys run along Ponce de Leon Boulevard from the Douglas Road Metrorail Station to Flagler Street. Trolleys pick up and drop off passengers at 55 stops weekdays from 6:30 a.m. to 8 p.m. and on Gallery Night (first Friday of the month) until 10 p.m. As part of that study, a survey is being conducted to better understand how customers use the trolley and what could be done to better serve the public. You are invited to participate in this survey as your input is very important! Individual responses will be kept confidential. Your participation will help direct any changes to future service. For more information, contact the Trolley Division at 305-460-5070. To take the Trolley online survey, click here.
• • •
Miami Spice Brings Meal Deals To Coral Gables Foodies
Miami Spice 2013 is back with its mouth-watering promotion beginning August 1 through September 30. Coral Gables foodies have two full months to take advantage of specially priced three-course meals. Downtown Coral Gables is a Miami Spice hot spot with 18 restaurants participating so far. Top local restaurants will offer three-course meals for special prices: lunches for $19 or $23, and dinners for $33 or $39, featuring signature dishes created by world-renowned chefs. To see a listing of participating restaurants, click here.
• • •
Coral Gables Chamber Presents
International Business Forum
On Friday, August 9, the Coral Gables Chamber of Commerce will host the 6th Annual International Business Forum luncheon at the Hyatt Regency Hotel, 50 Alhambra Plaza in Coral Gables. This forum will provide insight into the state of our ports and ways to leverage and identify key international markets from local industry experts. PortMiami Director Bill Johnson will serve as keynote speaker, along with panel of experts Duray Akar from the Istanbul Cultural Center, Chris Mango of the Miami International Airport and Diane Sanchez of eMerge Miami. This event is sponsored by PortMiami and RightSpace2Meet, and is organized in partnership with The Beacon Council, Miami Council for International Visitors (MCIV), Organization of Women in International Trade (OWIT) South Florida and South Florida Business Journal. For more information, click here.
• • •
Fundraising Event At Biltmore
Raises Awareness On Healthy Eating
It’s all about helping families learn the importance of making healthy food choices. The local non-profit Florida Introduces Physical Activity and Nutrition To Youth (FLIPANY) is hosting a fundraising event at the Biltmore Hotel, 1200 Anastasia Avenue, on Friday, August 9 with NBC6’s Roxanne Vargas as the evening emcee. Notable South Florida chefs will put their best food forward as part of the Chefs Up Front dinner where they will present a delicious five-course signature meal. Local participating chefs include: Chef Gregory Pugin of The Biltmore Palme d’Or and the hotel’s banquet Chef Scott Downs; Chef Phil Bryant of Swine Southern Table and Bar; Chef Adrianne Calvo of Chef Adrianne’s Vineyard Restaurant and Wine Bar; Chef Nuno Grullon of Iron Side Café; Chef Cindy Hutson of Ortanique on the Mile; Chef Makoto Okuwa of Makoto; and Chef Jason Smith of Steak 954. The event begins at 6 p.m. with a silent auction and reception, followed by dinner and program at 7 p.m. To date, FLIPANY nutrition and fitness professionals have educated more than 30,000 participants, worked with more than 500 volunteers and partnered with more than 60 community agencies to combat childhood hunger and obesity. For more information, click here.
Chef Adrianne Calvo
• • •
Submit Your Best Artwork For Senior Art Show
August 31 is the deadline to submit your best photograph, sculpture, painting or other artwork to be considered for the popular Dr. William M. Schiff Senior Art Show. If you are 55 years or older and live in the City of Coral Gables, you can showcase your talent and be part of the art show which will take place on October 11 at the newly opened The Palace at Coral Gables. For more information on how to enter, call 305-460-5622.
• • •
Coral Gables Firefighters Distribute
School Supplies To Needy Children
Members of Coral Gables International Association of Fire Fighters Local 1210 joined the Amigos For Kids this past Sunday for the annual Back to School Drive which distributed school supplies to hundreds of needy children. The event took place on Sunday, July 28 at Jose Marti Park. This annual program identifies less privileged children who would not have these basic supplies on their first day of school. Our Coral Gables firefighters, along with other volunteers, helped distribute the supplies during a Family Fair event held at the park.
Wednesday, July 31, 2013
So, Do You "Love" Being A Mom?
July 30, 2013
“So do you just love being a mum?”
It seems that shop assistants, in particular, think this is a good question to pop, as I drag my disheveled-self to the register after trawling shelves and aisles in great haste with a toddler and wee baby in tow.
“Aw do you just love being a mum?” they coo, all gooey and lovey.
“Er……” how do you respond to that? What a ludicrous question. And it is not, of course, confined to shop assistants. They, after all, are just making polite small talk and the fact that I am a mother is abundantly clear so why think further than the obvious question, right?
I have also been asked this by old family friends who haven’t seen me in years, and suddenly encounter me with my tribe: “So Miranda dear, do you just love being a mummy?”
“Er… do you really want to know how I feel about this or are you expecting me to sing ‘Yes! Yes! Yes! I adore it. My life had no meaning until now! I am entirely fulfilled. I could die tomorrow a happy woman… oh, wait… no I couldn’t because I’d be leaving two children without a mum. Mum mum mum. Um…”
They don’t have time for the real answer. I just say something like… ”Mmmm… ‘love’ is not the word I’d go for. Ha ha ha! (laugh to keep it light) It’s a challenge isn’t it?"
Do you love going to work every day? Do you love catching the train? Do you secretly love picking your nose? Do you love sitting in traffic? Do you love waxing your bikini line? Do you love lobster? Do you love sex? Do you love learning Spanish? What did you eat for breakfast this morning? How many times did your baby wake last night? Now these are easy to answer. Easy.
But there is no cut and dried to loving motherhood. I do not love being a mum per se. There, I said it. I do not easily fall into the mum role. I have to work at it and I have to work at it hard. I have no choice but to work at it hard because my children push me there. But if you ask me if I love being a mum, then I feel some sort of pressure to respond positively, to keep a good mood, to make you feel comfortable and so on. No one really asks that question, hoping to be dragged into my messed-up little head.
Because for me, frankly, it is a personal question and none of their cotton-pickin’ business!
Do you love your children? Now there’s a question. And a silly one for a different reason, because the answer is clear. Yes, of course. To the moon and back and then some. So much that it literally hurts at times. I cry with love. I laugh with love. I ache with love for my children. But my love for my children and my family does not, of itself, mean I love being a mum. Not necessarily. Sometimes. Sometimes not.
I love the joys and rewards which motherhood has thrown my way. I realise I am incredibly lucky. I don’t take my family for granted. I have beautiful, healthy, vibrant, dynamic, challenging, affectionate, wonderful children. Yes I’m so lucky; lucky to be able to conceive, lucky to be able to snuggle these incredible characters, lucky to hear and see them grow, lucky to commune with them, to be surprised by them, to be enlivened by them, to give to them. Lucky. I think my partner and my children are extraordinary and I have moments of intense elation and triumph and hope and accomplishment.
But I also have a lot of moments when I wonder how I got here. I’m tired. Through and through. I have never known exhaustion like it. New lines sit beneath my eyes and I feel weathered and worn. I feel all of my age and then some. Sometimes I feel desperate that this is all there is, and this will define me forever. I was never a baby person, or a kid person. Never. In fact I vividly recall a time in my life when I would happily have foregone the whole having children thing. Admittedly, I had a juvenile and foolishly selfish head on my shoulders at the time.
Eventually, I grew up and realised that children were an essential part of the bigger picture. It took some getting my head around. It took a little longer than I had expected to conceive my first bub, and with each month that went by, my desire, my need to have a baby grew and grew and became a wee obsession. These children are wanted. There is no doubt about that.
But I cannot deny that sometimes I feel entrapped by this new role. I sometimes feel that the light, the eccentricity, the vibrancy, the creativity, the humour and the spontaneity have been sapped out of me. Have I become dull? Do I have anything to say? Where am I going? Will I ever create music again? What interests me beyond this baby bubble?
I crave the freedom I had before motherhood. My life as a singer/songwriter. My life as a traveler. I allowed myself to dream because there was nothing tying me down.
I know it is in my nature, for good or for bad, to always have a wee toe in the past. I cling to memories, experiences, places, feelings and I wallow far too readily in what-ifs and if-onlys. A total waste of time of course. I need to find the space to stick my nose into tomorrow and take a big, dirty sniff and own it. Take it on. I need to dream again so that I can be an inspiration for my kids. But there always seem to be more work to do.
I’m not naïve. I am not deaf to the voices saying “oh come now, you can be anything you want to be, children need never hold you back; they are possibility itself, they will soon be less dependent upon you and you will be able to claw back some time of your own to redefine yourself again in this life.” I know. I can be rational as well as hugely hormonal! I am also utterly sleep-deprived and unmotivated and I know it will pass.
Being a mum is hard work. And just get over it Miranda. You’re lucky. Yes. I know. But it’s way more complicated than that. So if you ask that question (I need not repeat it), I’m certain you don’t have the time for the answer, so save it.
It seems that shop assistants, in particular, think this is a good question to pop, as I drag my disheveled-self to the register after trawling shelves and aisles in great haste with a toddler and wee baby in tow.
“Aw do you just love being a mum?” they coo, all gooey and lovey.
“Er……” how do you respond to that? What a ludicrous question. And it is not, of course, confined to shop assistants. They, after all, are just making polite small talk and the fact that I am a mother is abundantly clear so why think further than the obvious question, right?
I have also been asked this by old family friends who haven’t seen me in years, and suddenly encounter me with my tribe: “So Miranda dear, do you just love being a mummy?”
“Er… do you really want to know how I feel about this or are you expecting me to sing ‘Yes! Yes! Yes! I adore it. My life had no meaning until now! I am entirely fulfilled. I could die tomorrow a happy woman… oh, wait… no I couldn’t because I’d be leaving two children without a mum. Mum mum mum. Um…”
They don’t have time for the real answer. I just say something like… ”Mmmm… ‘love’ is not the word I’d go for. Ha ha ha! (laugh to keep it light) It’s a challenge isn’t it?"
Do you love going to work every day? Do you love catching the train? Do you secretly love picking your nose? Do you love sitting in traffic? Do you love waxing your bikini line? Do you love lobster? Do you love sex? Do you love learning Spanish? What did you eat for breakfast this morning? How many times did your baby wake last night? Now these are easy to answer. Easy.
But there is no cut and dried to loving motherhood. I do not love being a mum per se. There, I said it. I do not easily fall into the mum role. I have to work at it and I have to work at it hard. I have no choice but to work at it hard because my children push me there. But if you ask me if I love being a mum, then I feel some sort of pressure to respond positively, to keep a good mood, to make you feel comfortable and so on. No one really asks that question, hoping to be dragged into my messed-up little head.
Because for me, frankly, it is a personal question and none of their cotton-pickin’ business!
Do you love your children? Now there’s a question. And a silly one for a different reason, because the answer is clear. Yes, of course. To the moon and back and then some. So much that it literally hurts at times. I cry with love. I laugh with love. I ache with love for my children. But my love for my children and my family does not, of itself, mean I love being a mum. Not necessarily. Sometimes. Sometimes not.
I love the joys and rewards which motherhood has thrown my way. I realise I am incredibly lucky. I don’t take my family for granted. I have beautiful, healthy, vibrant, dynamic, challenging, affectionate, wonderful children. Yes I’m so lucky; lucky to be able to conceive, lucky to be able to snuggle these incredible characters, lucky to hear and see them grow, lucky to commune with them, to be surprised by them, to be enlivened by them, to give to them. Lucky. I think my partner and my children are extraordinary and I have moments of intense elation and triumph and hope and accomplishment.
But I also have a lot of moments when I wonder how I got here. I’m tired. Through and through. I have never known exhaustion like it. New lines sit beneath my eyes and I feel weathered and worn. I feel all of my age and then some. Sometimes I feel desperate that this is all there is, and this will define me forever. I was never a baby person, or a kid person. Never. In fact I vividly recall a time in my life when I would happily have foregone the whole having children thing. Admittedly, I had a juvenile and foolishly selfish head on my shoulders at the time.
Eventually, I grew up and realised that children were an essential part of the bigger picture. It took some getting my head around. It took a little longer than I had expected to conceive my first bub, and with each month that went by, my desire, my need to have a baby grew and grew and became a wee obsession. These children are wanted. There is no doubt about that.
But I cannot deny that sometimes I feel entrapped by this new role. I sometimes feel that the light, the eccentricity, the vibrancy, the creativity, the humour and the spontaneity have been sapped out of me. Have I become dull? Do I have anything to say? Where am I going? Will I ever create music again? What interests me beyond this baby bubble?
I crave the freedom I had before motherhood. My life as a singer/songwriter. My life as a traveler. I allowed myself to dream because there was nothing tying me down.
I know it is in my nature, for good or for bad, to always have a wee toe in the past. I cling to memories, experiences, places, feelings and I wallow far too readily in what-ifs and if-onlys. A total waste of time of course. I need to find the space to stick my nose into tomorrow and take a big, dirty sniff and own it. Take it on. I need to dream again so that I can be an inspiration for my kids. But there always seem to be more work to do.
I’m not naïve. I am not deaf to the voices saying “oh come now, you can be anything you want to be, children need never hold you back; they are possibility itself, they will soon be less dependent upon you and you will be able to claw back some time of your own to redefine yourself again in this life.” I know. I can be rational as well as hugely hormonal! I am also utterly sleep-deprived and unmotivated and I know it will pass.
Being a mum is hard work. And just get over it Miranda. You’re lucky. Yes. I know. But it’s way more complicated than that. So if you ask that question (I need not repeat it), I’m certain you don’t have the time for the answer, so save it.
10 Ways To Be a Happier Parent
July 24, 2013
1. Stop measuring your successes and failures through your children.
If your little Joe Jr. or Suzy Q. melts to the ground screaming like a
maimed hyena because he/she refuses to take turns on the swing while all
the Moms in your Tuesday playgroup cross their arms and wrinkle their
foreheads at you: Then stop. Take a deep breath. Acknowledge your kid is
being a jerk and don’t draw the imaginary connection in your head where
you think everyone believes you’re a jerk too. Conversely,
when little Joe Jr. or Suzy Q. scores the highest grade in math class,
or wins 1st place in their dance competition, this does not mean you
have won at parenting. You’re allowed to be proud… of them, not
yourself.
2. Stop measuring other Moms’ successes and failures through their children. Number one will become a whole lot easier when you stop doing this to other Moms, too. Promise.
3. Make a list of five priorities and make sure you’re one of them. In the busiest phase of life — raising a family — you must learn to prioritize. You simply cannot do everything you want to do. Priorities should be things that when they are missing from your life, the quality of your life goes down. And at least one of the things on the list has to be something for you. Whether it’s a career, cooking, crafting or drinking wine with friends, you must be on the list. If exercise isn’t a priority, stop beating yourself up for not doing it. If it is, then stop making excuses. Relax into the idea that no one can do it all and everyone must pick and choose what’s important and dump the rest. Particularly in this phase of life. My five (in order of importance) are: God, husband, kids, writing and exercise. Now, doesn’t this give you an idea what my toilets looks like?
4. Make your partner one of those priorities. I’m not good at this one. I’m not. I’m a little selfish and I am physically drained each day from taking care of small children, my job and just plain life. I want to put me first. But the wisest parts of my brain tell me that my marriage is part of the foundation for all those other things I want, and therefore, it is near the top of my list. Forever. Because I’ve learned that this list is base for everything else in my life – My faith holds it up, makes it all worth doing, while my partner puts the shine on it.
5. Learn to use “bad” words. If you’re being asked to do something that will take away from something on your list of priorities, you must learn to say that little dirty word. The one that’s so hard to say in the face of a pleading co-worker, neighbor or parent – it’s particularly hard for women. That word is… no. Yes, people will be upset with you. They may yell and scream and make your life uncomfortable for a little while; but not as uncomfortable as if you drop one of your priorities. Say yes to yourself, by saying no to them. It’s not selfish, it’s survival.
6. Stop thinking about what your kids aren’t, and start focusing on what they are. Maybe your kid has a happy demeanor most days, but is hopeless at school. Maybe she is tender and kind with animals, but can’t remember to brush her hair. Maybe all your kid can do is tie his shoelaces by himself. Focus on the shoelaces, forget the rest. Your kid will thank you someday. This is a conscious, mental exercise. One that can have either devastating consequences, or abundant rewards because the plain truth about life is that what you focus on expands. If you’re always making a mental list of all the things your kids is NOT, then the list will become endless. If you make a conscious effort to praise and feed all the things your kid already is, (and this list is probably small and harder to define), then that too, will get larger and your child’s sense of self-worth will too. Same goes for you.
7. Take notes from your toddlers and develop amnesia. Small children are amazing in their abilities to live in the moment. Watching them play and dance and sing with wild abandon makes even the coldest of hearts, thaw. Young children do not lament over the milk they spilled on the kitchen floor an hour ago. They do not care what the world thinks about their mismatched socks. They’re over it before it even began. So in other words, stop letting the past control your life. If you’re living in a state of regret over yesterday, you’re stunting your future growth. Everyone makes mistakes. Everyone fails. Everyone is paying a price for poor decisions they made decades ago. (I’ll show you my ridiculous tramp stamp if you show me yours?) The fact is that many of us re-live the past in our heads trying to rewrite history. It’s impossible and a waste of precious time you could be playing or dancing or singing with wild abandon. As long as you’re living in the past, you’re not moving forward. You’re not growing as a person and you’re certainly not happy. So act like a toddler and follow their rules: if it happened more than an hour ago and there’s nothing you can do to fix it, then forget it. Replace it with another thought or action. Preferably dancing.
8. Learn to say I’m sorry and mean it. Everyone has bad days when they snap at their kids for getting out of bed for the 14th time. We’re human. We make mistakes. So we must learn to say we’re sorry. This is not just to model good behavior or repair hurt feelings. (Although apologies can do that too.) But learning how to give a heartfelt apology is also an acknowledgement to ourselves that what we said or did, hurt someone. It’s a reminder that your words have consequences. Saying I’m sorry teaches us to be more thoughtful of feelings and less selfish with our venting of frustrations and self-awareness is always a good thing. So tell your kids you’re sorry. Tell your spouse you’re sorry. And mean it. It will not only help repair the damage and model kind behavior, it will also teach you to pull back the dragon next time before you spit fire.
9. Learn to Forgive. Forgive your children for their ungratefulness. Forgive your spouse for their carelessness. Forgive your in-laws and the teenager next door for running over your flower bed… again. Oh, this isn’t easy and you may be MORE than justified in your anger and resentment. I often am. But it doesn’t make you or me happier people. Quite the opposite really. Anger is a poison that kills from the inside. Learning to forgive takes practice, diligence and patience. But learning to forgive others is the practice you need to know how to forgive yourself. And that is where the true healing begins.
10. Practice Gratitude. Not be grateful. Practice it. We are not born knowing how to do this and yet there is no real joy without it. Gratitude is not an attitude, it is a skill, and like any other skill, you must practice it faithfully if you’re going to be any good at it. If it’s raining today, the cat puked on your bed last night and your two-year-old just drew shapes on your couch with permanent maker – then be grateful that your garden is getting watered, your cat is no longer struggling with a hairball and our child has the inklings for creativity. Because when you practice seeing the good, you will start to see mostly good. When you see mostly good, life becomes mostly good. When life becomes mostly good, then you no longer need a list of things to make you happy. You just are.
by Shannon Lell
2. Stop measuring other Moms’ successes and failures through their children. Number one will become a whole lot easier when you stop doing this to other Moms, too. Promise.
3. Make a list of five priorities and make sure you’re one of them. In the busiest phase of life — raising a family — you must learn to prioritize. You simply cannot do everything you want to do. Priorities should be things that when they are missing from your life, the quality of your life goes down. And at least one of the things on the list has to be something for you. Whether it’s a career, cooking, crafting or drinking wine with friends, you must be on the list. If exercise isn’t a priority, stop beating yourself up for not doing it. If it is, then stop making excuses. Relax into the idea that no one can do it all and everyone must pick and choose what’s important and dump the rest. Particularly in this phase of life. My five (in order of importance) are: God, husband, kids, writing and exercise. Now, doesn’t this give you an idea what my toilets looks like?
4. Make your partner one of those priorities. I’m not good at this one. I’m not. I’m a little selfish and I am physically drained each day from taking care of small children, my job and just plain life. I want to put me first. But the wisest parts of my brain tell me that my marriage is part of the foundation for all those other things I want, and therefore, it is near the top of my list. Forever. Because I’ve learned that this list is base for everything else in my life – My faith holds it up, makes it all worth doing, while my partner puts the shine on it.
5. Learn to use “bad” words. If you’re being asked to do something that will take away from something on your list of priorities, you must learn to say that little dirty word. The one that’s so hard to say in the face of a pleading co-worker, neighbor or parent – it’s particularly hard for women. That word is… no. Yes, people will be upset with you. They may yell and scream and make your life uncomfortable for a little while; but not as uncomfortable as if you drop one of your priorities. Say yes to yourself, by saying no to them. It’s not selfish, it’s survival.
6. Stop thinking about what your kids aren’t, and start focusing on what they are. Maybe your kid has a happy demeanor most days, but is hopeless at school. Maybe she is tender and kind with animals, but can’t remember to brush her hair. Maybe all your kid can do is tie his shoelaces by himself. Focus on the shoelaces, forget the rest. Your kid will thank you someday. This is a conscious, mental exercise. One that can have either devastating consequences, or abundant rewards because the plain truth about life is that what you focus on expands. If you’re always making a mental list of all the things your kids is NOT, then the list will become endless. If you make a conscious effort to praise and feed all the things your kid already is, (and this list is probably small and harder to define), then that too, will get larger and your child’s sense of self-worth will too. Same goes for you.
7. Take notes from your toddlers and develop amnesia. Small children are amazing in their abilities to live in the moment. Watching them play and dance and sing with wild abandon makes even the coldest of hearts, thaw. Young children do not lament over the milk they spilled on the kitchen floor an hour ago. They do not care what the world thinks about their mismatched socks. They’re over it before it even began. So in other words, stop letting the past control your life. If you’re living in a state of regret over yesterday, you’re stunting your future growth. Everyone makes mistakes. Everyone fails. Everyone is paying a price for poor decisions they made decades ago. (I’ll show you my ridiculous tramp stamp if you show me yours?) The fact is that many of us re-live the past in our heads trying to rewrite history. It’s impossible and a waste of precious time you could be playing or dancing or singing with wild abandon. As long as you’re living in the past, you’re not moving forward. You’re not growing as a person and you’re certainly not happy. So act like a toddler and follow their rules: if it happened more than an hour ago and there’s nothing you can do to fix it, then forget it. Replace it with another thought or action. Preferably dancing.
8. Learn to say I’m sorry and mean it. Everyone has bad days when they snap at their kids for getting out of bed for the 14th time. We’re human. We make mistakes. So we must learn to say we’re sorry. This is not just to model good behavior or repair hurt feelings. (Although apologies can do that too.) But learning how to give a heartfelt apology is also an acknowledgement to ourselves that what we said or did, hurt someone. It’s a reminder that your words have consequences. Saying I’m sorry teaches us to be more thoughtful of feelings and less selfish with our venting of frustrations and self-awareness is always a good thing. So tell your kids you’re sorry. Tell your spouse you’re sorry. And mean it. It will not only help repair the damage and model kind behavior, it will also teach you to pull back the dragon next time before you spit fire.
9. Learn to Forgive. Forgive your children for their ungratefulness. Forgive your spouse for their carelessness. Forgive your in-laws and the teenager next door for running over your flower bed… again. Oh, this isn’t easy and you may be MORE than justified in your anger and resentment. I often am. But it doesn’t make you or me happier people. Quite the opposite really. Anger is a poison that kills from the inside. Learning to forgive takes practice, diligence and patience. But learning to forgive others is the practice you need to know how to forgive yourself. And that is where the true healing begins.
10. Practice Gratitude. Not be grateful. Practice it. We are not born knowing how to do this and yet there is no real joy without it. Gratitude is not an attitude, it is a skill, and like any other skill, you must practice it faithfully if you’re going to be any good at it. If it’s raining today, the cat puked on your bed last night and your two-year-old just drew shapes on your couch with permanent maker – then be grateful that your garden is getting watered, your cat is no longer struggling with a hairball and our child has the inklings for creativity. Because when you practice seeing the good, you will start to see mostly good. When you see mostly good, life becomes mostly good. When life becomes mostly good, then you no longer need a list of things to make you happy. You just are.
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